Just another day of a grumpy old lady.

I've been asking a lot lately why I'm single and why don't I find a boyfriend...

It's not that I don't want to. Yes, I'm a bit more picky. Because at this age I want my relationship to last until the day I die. I'm sure everyone wish the same. You don't want to start a relationship to see it survive the 1st year then the 5th year or 10th year. You wish to see it last longer, forever precisely. So do I.

But people these day they are quite materialistic. They tend to throw away everything that broken rather than wasting time to fix it. If it's broken, you throw it away and buy new piece, that's it. You think that there's plenty of new models, new style and new function of mobile phone (for example) in the market to buy so you just throw away your phone and buy a new one whenever you want and whatever you want. That's life these day.

I've been through relationships when we forgot to cherish moments we shared. When we forgot those difficult time we handled together just because we didn't see the value in one another any more so we thrown those 5 years or 2 years away to find a pleasure of someone more exciting at that time.

If I try to be positive, maybe it happened for a reason. Maybe the person who is the missing piece is out there somewhere looking for me also. Maybe there's someone who will suit me better. But whatever the reason is, I'm so exhausted at the moment. I stop chasing everything and everyone. I'm tired of being the one who like fixing thing. I'm tired and done of chasing and playing game, I'm too old for that.

If I am happy. Yes, I'm happy even I'm alone. If I want to share my happy with someone? Of course I would love to, but I don't want it to be just a temporary experience. I want it permanently. I don't want just anyone who will come and go. I want someone who would love to fix things with me. Who would hug me so tigh and say that everything will be ok. Who would hold my hand and walk with me. Who would grow old with me. Who would see the same value of life. Someone who would love to stay forever. But if there's nobody, I don't mind to be alone and single.

I remember the feeling, when it's better to be miserable alone than being miserable in relationship.




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