Life...or something like it.

About a month or more, I’ve been receiving a depressive thought on my facebook’s news feed, constantly. It came from a few people I know and it’s really sad to see them feel that way. I don’t know how I will be able to cheer them up since some of their friends already did. I’ve thought if I can’t help them, at least I can share them my story and whether they want to do with their life, it’s up to them.

I remember the last time I cried sympathetic for my pity life and also remember the last time I felt so negative and depressive with everything around me. It was a long time ago; I had such a high self-pity and high depression level. Nothing much could cheer me up at all; I drank seriously and cried out every drop of my tears. I asked myself why my life was so cruel to me and why nobody understood how hard it was to be me.

A few years back, it was worst so much that I decided to take my own life. Not once but 3 times, and now I still alive to learn the value of life and to tell my story. Someone said I was a fool and a coward. I was a coward who’s afraid to face life and deal with it gracefully. I was a fool who thought that everything was about me and totally ignored the other.

At that time I didn’t see anybody’s sorrow but my own. I fell so deep into my own grief and so blinded by thousand drops of my own tear. I didn’t see the other’s story but myself. Everything was about me, me, me and me… Until I started learning patiently that there still someone who loves you dearly and also somebody out there who suffers more than I was. My problem seems so tiny compare to them, but at least they live. They live to rise again and to conquer everything that against them and to see their success.

I also learn how simple and fragile the life is. Life is too short already to live in sorrow. I then opened my mind and my heart to see what life can offer me. There are so many things I want to do. So many people I’d love to meet. So many places I want to go. And so many people who loves me and cares about me. I learn to look at life from the different angle. I saw homeless people lives on the street. I saw orphans wishing for a better life. I saw so many stories that made mine look so ridiculous daring to compare with them. Then, yes, my life wasn’t too bad at all. I picked up all my pieces, I hold on to every last string of hope and faith. And eventually I live once again.

Every morning I will wake up and thank for another day in my life. Then before I sleep; I will thank a good day, every meal, everyone I meet, something people done to me, something good that happens, some little thing that makes me smile and some other little thing that complete my day and also thanks to those who loves and supports me. I am so thankful for what life's giving me now. And I will never again take my life for grant.

I don’t have any good advice for your trouble but being negative will really not help. It just only pulls you down deeper into the well of despair and drowning in your self-pity. Does that negative thought makes you happy? Does that negative thought makes anything better? People will give you their sympathy but soon they will be faded up of your depressive negative energy. Try to look at people around you. Look at those who have less than you. Look at your parent and those who loves you. Look at those who’ve been trying to cheer you up every time when you feel so down. If you still don’t see the value of your life, then you really don’t deserve to have a life. It’s harsh, I know but once in a while you will need a big slap to wake you up. Change your attitude and change the way you think. It isn’t just only you who suffers in this world, everybody does. Get up and go have a life.

Why I am doing this? Just because I care...

Live & Love

Yosita Ania V.

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