A lot more like "Love"

March,Friday 18, 2011 March, Wednesday 30, 2011 are the day I shall remember...

A few years back, around February time. I was dumped by a man I loved. I was left clueless for 3 whole months. I lost a trail of him, lost in contact. I had a serious heart-broken for the first time in my life. I was hurt, badly. In the morning, I would wake up and cried, sometime I would constantly cry for a day and at night when I went to bed I would cry until I could sleep. It was totally a mess and I thought I was gonna go crazy. It's such a painful feeling. I had such a horrible and difficult time until I ,fortunately, could get myself altogether and made it through before I ,eventually, succeeded finishing myself. Don't know why I thought of it recently, probably because it was around this time of the year (February-March). So it's kind of provoking an old wound some how. "Don't allow your wounds to transform you into someone you are not." said my favorite author, Paulo Coelho. I'm not sure if I've ever transformed yet but surely I've been tr...

My love, I've been thanking God everyday for that day you walked into my life. It seems like a destiny. Something inside of me told me that I should go out that night and there you were, smiling...as always. There's something special in you which keep drawing me to be close to you, to know you better. And I was glad you gave me that chance, one of the greatest opportunity in my life that I will never forget. I was a heart-broken girl at that time, I didn't believe in love any more until I found you. You've made my life worth living again. You are everything I could wish for. Your pure love, your care, your sweetness and your warmed heart have made me feel home once again. You've fulfilled my empty and thirsty heart with love. You've dried all those tears of despair. You've made me fall so deep, deeply in love with you. And most of all, you've made me the happiest woman on earth. And I would like to confirm you that; from the first day until this moment, ...

When a monk gave me the name "Yosita", he also described the meaning of it as "a perfect women by appearance and by heart". I almost laughed but I understood his good intention. "Nobody's perfect" ah...yes, I've heard it like a million times already. And also keep reminding myself all the time, it isn't an excuse but it's the fact that I am not perfect at all...not even close. I have realized, long time ago, that I can't please everyone at the same time. I can't reach everyone's standard. I can't make everyone to like me. I'm do envy. I'm do jealousy. I do swear those "S" word and "F" word so often. I have so many flaws. At the moment I'm proud to add some more into my resume which are; rude, ignorance, indifferent, boring, silly and lots more if you ask my boyfriend. Every year I've grown up, I've learn, I've experience but still I've made mistakes. Living a life isn't jus...

#9 Talk to me When I'm in relationship, one of my bad habit is I love talking. I like to communicate, to share stories or to share feeling. I know it sounds annoying for you guys but believe me, it's better than to let your partner keeps imagining worst than it supposes to be. Only if you know girls by now, we tend to think a lot!! And it even annoy myself sometime, I still have no idea why girls have to think that much!! So please, if you have any problem with me, just say it right then. Just let me know what you don't like then I will understand and I won't do it again. I can handle harsh words but I can't handle silent. Silent is such an uncomfortable awkwardness. If you can share that to your friends, wouldn't it be better if you just say it straight to me? Then we can work things out. I am easily to deal with when you know me. I am a reasonable person but still I have a lots to learn in relationship so I will appreciated if you can guide me the way. Just.....

It takes me a long time to consider writing this...it takes all my courage to reveal another side of me. It might not be relevant to the day, Mother's day, but it shows the part of how loving, understanding and how awesome she is...as a mother whom loves her daughter, just the way I am... There's a doubt. There's questions since the time when I confessed to those whom I loved, to my friends and my beloved mother but then I was hesitate... Here and now, I'm gonna share you my side of story. I don't want to be who I am now just because of a popularity or because it's sexy. But because this is me. I found myself attracting to girls since I was in high school, could blame a girl school for that. But then it was back to normal for a while after I left high school. Until, about, 10 years ago that the interest of girls came back once again. When I, for the first time, share a moment with such an incredible person... The longing of girls ceased when I was in ...

When I left my previous relationship, I thought I learn a lot and also thought that I know everything about relationship but I am completely wrong. Relationship is something you have to learn, understand and adjust everyday. And I have to learn it the hard way to realize my mistake. I took advantage of the person I love, I took advantage of his generous. I was just shallow to think that he would be ok of me teasing him. I didn't know the limit and I totally crossed the line. It probably gave out such a terrible impression on me and also obviously bother him much more than I could dare to imagine. I also realize now the power of social network. No, I didn't blame the messenger. None respond doesn't mean they didn't get the message. It's like you keep throwing paddles into a pond, the ring spread out further and bigger. The cost of damage? Unbearable... I admitted my mistake, I take responsible for all my action and I'm not afraid to apologize. And I'm deali...